New problems, new fat.

9:39 p.m.
I have been eating all the stuff I successfully avoided, I literally can feel how I gained 2 or 3 pounds.
Now, my head is killing me with that little voice that keeps calling me "Stupid pig" " F A T" "Useless bitch" and the worst part is that if I look my body in the mirror all I can see is fatfatfatfat.
The thing is that vacations do not hepl at all, because I eat more than I should and that makes me feel really low.
This week, maybe Wednesday I will have to visit my uncle and I when I am with her I have to eat a lot, then she lives near the beach and with all my fat I can not wear my bikini... Damn I do not even know why the hell I have one.
Oh and there is this guy that has a beautiful thighgap, I am soooooo jealous ... jk. But I wish mine could be just like his.
Once again sorry for my english.
BT♥
Nightingale xx.

Beginning of the end.

1: 41 am.
Headache but still awake.
Memories running trough my mind whilst my skin is visited by cold tears.
I try so hard to focus but is useless...
The clock points 1:49 and all the words that I had planned to write are long gone. Sailing in nowhere.
And now, looking at the ceiling I can barely remember what I was gonna say.
I remember when I was younger... Well, when I was a little girl and my life was simple. I did not have any problem and I was happy with myself and with all the beauty that created my perfect world. When love surrounded me and hope was my best friend, when faith was was writing in my skin.
You know.... when falling asleep was easier than walk, when waking up was something I expected with all my heart, mind and spirit.
I miss those days. Those were good days.
Being a child is the best thing that happened to me, is the age when we are vulnerable yet strong.
I wanted to grow up so badly and now that it happened I really regret it.
I know I am talking to no one, but it is better than keeping the pain.
And if someone reads this short entry I apologize for my english.
BT♥
Nightingale xx.